Of Emerald Dresses and Broken Zippers
by HauntedMoonlight
Summary: "Please? Pretty please with sugar on it?" "Absolutely not." "But I need to see how it looks!" "Then find a girl!" Self-control only goes so far, even for a certain steely Uchiha. SasuSaku OneShot


**A/N: **Yo! I'm back with yet ANOTHER SasuSaku one-shot!

******EDIT: **_Minor grammar/spelling corrections. Added a more humorous ending!_

_**TODAY (JULY 23) AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, IS SASUKE'S BIRTHDAY. BUT IT'S ALSO MY BIRTHDAY. SO WISH ME A HAPPY ONE OKIE? :D Haha, just kidding, you don't have to. Instead, my birthday wish is for you to review, mmk? c**:_

Yep, I'm shamelessly using the last four hours of my birthday to ask you to review.

But seriously, please do so! They make my day-and I try to reply to all non-anonymous ones! Take note, anons!

**Title: **Of Emerald Dresses and Broken Zippers

**Summary: **"Please? Pretty please with sugar on it?" "Absolutely not." "But I need to see how it looks!" "Then find a girl!" Self-control only goes so far, even for a certain steely Uchiha. SasuSaku

**Rating: **M

**Pairings: **SasuSaku

**Warnings/Notes: **Sasuke's in denial like he always is…sigh. Stupid anal retentive teenager. Not that I'm any different, but still… Also, in this One-Shot, Temari is briefly mentioned as a Konoha-nin. And no offense meant to Sai, as I don't actually think of him as 'that creepy guy.' It's for the storyline, okay?

**Disclaimer: **Naruto belongs to its respective owner. This will _not _be used for profits anywhere, anyplace, or anytime, or be used to infringe on the trademark.

* * *

"So, Sasuke-kun, how does it look?" A cheerful Haruno Sakura held a gorgeous emerald dress in front of her body. It was short, strapless, and fluttery; the kind of dress that attracted packs of overly eager men.

The noncommittal response came as expected. "Hn."

Sakura pouted. "Godammit, Sasuke-kun, give me a _real_ answer!"

"…Why am I here?"

The girl's emerald eyes flared with anger. "Because Hinata and Ino are busy, I can't find Tenten, and Temari's on a mission with Shikamaru and Chouji."

"What about that creepy guy?"

"Sai? He's off doing…creepy stuff." Sakura cringed, remembering finding Sai in the local library, surrounded by Psychology books and a plastic model of the female anatomy.

Sasuke decided he wasn't going to ask about said 'creepy stuff.' "Dobe?"

"Naruto's training, Sasuke-kun."

"Which is what _I _should be doing."

"Don't be silly!" Sakura waved the offensive thought away. "Tsunade-sensei's party is tomorrow and some of the most accomplished medical-nin and kunoichi in history will be attending! I need to look my best, and I can't do that without some help, can I?"

Sasuke was intelligent enough to assume that a negative response would result in bodily harm, and instead resorted to another of his infamous grunts. "Hn."

"I'm glad you agree, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura beamed.

The wind fluttered through the open windows in Sakura's living room, and for a moment Sasuke was entranced by her vivid pink hair as it wove in the light breeze. He quickly shook all the perplexing thoughts of his teammate away; once Sakura left to put on her dress, he could escape and go spar with the dobe and the arrogant Hyuuga.

"Well, I'm going to try on the dress in my room now, Sasuke."

His ears perked. Finally, he could escape the confines of her cherry blossom scented apartment.

"Stay here, okay?"

"Hn."

"Oh yeah." She paused in the doorway and glanced back at the scheming Uchiha. "Please don't try to escape. I'm experimenting with this new barrier jutsu and set it up around this room. I don't know the range of effects, though—whether it stuns or kills. So be careful, Sasuke-kun! I would hate to come back and see you dead in the doorway!"

"Hn." Sasuke put on his best indifferent façade, the one he used when playing poker (read: winning money) against the dobe. Internally, he was infinitely pissed off. Who was Sakura to lock him up in her damned _living room_? He, who had defeated countless enemies. He, who mastered countless jutsus. He, who…was dragged back to Konoha singlehandedly by Sakura.

The fact that the pink-haired kunoichi could so easily overpower him with her stupid superhuman strength, binding jutsus, and quick, smart movements both angered and confused him.

What had happened to the meek, useless girl who was so desperately in love with him? Sasuke loathed admitting it to himself, but her undying love was what he'd always been able to rely on. Even when everything seemed to go awry, he knew she'd still be right there behind him.

Sure, she was still nice to him. But all of the fan-girling spirit she'd once possessed had left. Instead of asking him out to Ichiraku's in their free time, she worked double overtime shifts at the ER room in the hospital. Following him around on their genin missions had been replaced with taking charge in numerous deadly S-ranked assignments.

Sakura was a puzzle that he couldn't fit together, much to his consternation.

"Sasuke-kun!" Her familiar voice called from her room upstairs. "Can you come here for a sec?"

Sasuke hesitated as he approached the doorway of the living room. Was it safe to go through, or was it protected by a lethal jutsu? "Am I allowed to pass through?" He asked. Even though his voice was barely a murmur, he knew she'd hear him. She always did.

"Go ahead!" Her muffled voice yelled back at him.

He reluctantly walked out of the living room and climbed the wooden stairs leading to Sakura's bedroom. Sasuke had never been in there before; he momentarily wondered what his female teammate's bedroom looked like. He hesitantly knocked on the pale oak door. "…Sakura?"

"Ah!" The door slowly creaked open an inch, and one of Sakura's stunning emerald eyes peered up at him. "Sorry, I need some help, Sasuke-kun…"

"Maybe I'd be of some help if I could see what you needed help with?" He raised an eyebrow, giving off that condescending look that usually drove Naruto insane. It was his second favorite expression, ranked only after his mask of indifferent boredom.

The gaze didn't ruffle Sakura at all, much to Sasuke's displeasure. "Oh, right. Come on in."

Sakura stepped back slightly, letting Sasuke squeeze into her room.

It was larger than he'd thought it'd be; maybe that was to be expected, as Konoha Hospital's top-doctor's pay wasn't exactly a pittance. The room was, of course, painted a bright, happy pink. Everything in the room was splashed with color—exactly the opposite of Sasuke's dreary dark manor.

"So, um, Sasuke-kun…"

Sakura's voice tore Sasuke from his survey of her bedroom. Her voice was tinged with some foreign note—almost like she was embarrassed. He hadn't heard that tone since they were both young, naïve genin.

"Hn?"

He suddenly realized Sakura was dressed in only the all-too-revealing gown from before. Sasuke suppressed an urge to sprint out of the apartment at full-speed. For Kami's sake, her breasts were practically bursting out of the dress. Was she going to wear that strip of fabric in _public_?

Sakura turned her back to him and swept aside her hair, revealing a jammed zipper. "I can't seem to get it zipped, Sasuke-kun. Whenever I try, it slips away."

"…"

"Could you zip it for me?"

"No." The Uchiha practically growled. He immediately regretted it; he never raised his voice. Doing so would show anger, and anger was an emotion. Sasuke didn't have emotions.

Sakura wasn't discouraged in the least. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing was as of yet undecided. "Please? Pretty please with sugar on it?"

"Absolutely not." He replied, more controlled this time.

"But I need to know if the dress will fit!"

"Then find a girl!" Sasuke muttered impatiently. He did _not _have time for this.

Sakura spun around again, glaring accusingly at him. "Don't be such a tightwad, Sasuke-kun," she whined, running a hand through her silky hair. "It's only a zipper. It's not like you're touching my boobs."

At the moment, Sasuke was having a hard time figuring out where to look. Forget only her breasts; he didn't want to ogle a single millimeter of her curvaceous body. It wasn't that she wasn't worth looking at, of course. It was that it would so not be worth it if she caught him. Even Sasuke had heard the legend of Tsunade pounding Jiraiya into a pulp for spying on her at the hot springs. And Sakura was _stronger _than Tsunade.

"…I'm leaving." He turned towards the open doorway.

Before he could manage to escape, she'd managed to wrap her hands around his arm. "Wait, Sasuke-kun…please!"

"…" Sasuke faltered and turned towards Sakura again, immediately regretting his decision. The sight of her cleavage pressed against his right arm reminded him of the time Naruto insisted on giving him 'sex tips,' much to the chagrin of the sexually-inexperienced Uchiha.

The dense blonde had eagerly told him that girls liked it rough and started repeating a series of rules he'd memorized from Make-Out Paradise before Sasuke had managed to get away…

Sakura brightened up when she saw Sasuke slightly bite the corner of his lips, knowing it was a sign of indecision. She often saw him do such a thing when he pondered over battle strategies. To give him a final push, she decided to use what Ino called '_The Sex Voice_.' Sakura had learned it from Ino and Temari, and was proud at the effect it seemed to bear on men. It was foolproof.

"_Pleaaase_…Sasuke-kun…" She breathed, staring up at him through her long pink eyelashes.

In that instant, as soon as Sakura whispered his name, Sasuke's infallible self-control—which had taken years to build and retain—snapped. His raging libido took over; the libido of a healthy, young, sex-deprived male.

Sakura was aware of being roughly pushed onto her bed. "Sasuke-kun…?"

"You're going to regret this," he warned, peeling off his shirt.

Sakura teasingly traced Sasuke's chiseled chest with her fingers, all thoughts of the dress that was being slipped off her body forgotten. "I don't know about that…_Sasuke_."

-oOoOo-

Naruto hummed a happy tune as he knocked on the door of Sakura's apartment. His training session with Kakashi had gone well; in fact, he was extremely close to perfecting the Rasengan Barrage.

To celebrate, he wanted to go to Ichiraku's with his teammates. But teme wasn't at his manor or the training grounds, and Sai was off in the library being creepy again, so it would be just Sakura and him. Not that he was complaining.

"Sakura-chan?" He called out after a few moments of silence. She usually answered the door immediately after he knocked. "_Sakura-chan_?"

Images of Sakura, lying prone and bloodied in her apartment, flashed through Naruto's panicked imagination. The alarmed blonde deftly climbed in through an open window. Sure enough, he heard moans and noises coming from upstairs.

"I'm coming to save you, Sakura-chan!" Naruto whispered, arming himself with a kunai and masking his chakra signature before tip-toeing up the stairs towards the source of the noise.

"_Sakura-chan!"_ He leapt into the room. "I'm here to rescue y—"

"…"

"Get out, dobe."

"_Ahhhhhhh!"_ Naruto shrieked. "Oh my Kami! My eyes! To think that teme has a penis!"

"_Dobe._ If you'd mind…"

"And it's bigger than mine!"

That day, dozens of complaints about seeing or hearing a 'screaming blonde man as white as a ghost' were filed to an extremely bewildered Tsunade's office. Eventually, she assigned Sasuke and Sakura to the case of the Screaming Ghost, which, over time, developed into a frightening urban legend.

But that's a story for another time.

* * *

**A/N: **And to think it all started with a broken zipper and Sasuke's unsatisfied sex drive!

_Please review! If you liked this, check out my other SasuSaku one-shots!_

_THANK YOU!_

**EDIT: **Minor grammar/spelling corrections. Added a more humorous ending!

~**Haunted**_Moonlight_~


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